October Personal Update
Howdy everyone, I hope you are having a nice fall and taking the time to take care of yourself. This pandemic has really gotten old, and I know there are a lot of people who are ready to reclaim their lives. Learning how to continue life during this whole shit storm has been really challenging. The collective trauma paired with the individual trauma, I think its fair to say every single person has been going through it.
Despite all of the crazy shit that has been going on, there has been this mass awakening of the people. Never before are people so open to talking about their trauma, and actually doing the work to heal it. It's incredible to see and be a part of this movement. No longer are the chains of oppression okay. I know for myself, I would actually rather die than continue the ancestral trauma and cycles that have been cursing my family for countless generations. The thought of ending up like my father makes me physically sick. And I know im not alone. It's incredibly empowering to see other people connecting with their ancestors as well and shedding the layers of karma and blockages that seem to fall on our shoulders to clear.
While it feels very fulfilling and fun to do this kind of heavy work, the need for rest and play has gone up exponentially. When we are spending so much time in the heavy emotions like shame, grief, fear, anger, it makes it challenging to thrive in our everyday life.
My therapist put me onto the Hawking scale. Basically a bunch of scientists came together and decided to measure the vibrational frequency of emotions. I'm sure there is an accompanying book to this information, but for now I will just share the diagram that my therapist shared with me.
The lower emotions, fear and below, are super heavy emotions. The vibrational frequency of these are low, and as a result take a lot more energy from our body to maintain. When we are healing our trauma, it is necessary to sit in these heavy emotions in order to feel them and move through them, but what I and a lot of other people have a hard time with is the balance of the higher and lower emotions.
When I say higher and lower emotions it's not a value judgement. It's more based off of the actual vibrations of the emotions involved.
For those who had extreme childhood neglect and trauma, you very well might have complex post traumatic stress disorder, which changes the physical and chemical composition of your brain to make you more able to survive threatening situations. You likely have spent a lot of your life in these lower emotions, and they probably feel pretty comfortable.
The process of moving out of them feels like hard work at first. The best thing that Ive done to work on finding balance is just showing up for myself. The basic care tasks that feel so hard to finish sometimes, doing those with consistency and making them non negotiables has changed my energy levels drastically.
Everyones care tasks are going to look different. But think about what feels good when it's taken care of. For me is consistently bathing, keeping my kitchen picked up, and feeding myself. These three things when left unchecked become the start of a depressive episode. If you are just beginning this journey, begin by noticing. Notice what triggers a depressive episode, or what triggers you, and begin finding ways to maintain your self care routine while things feel good, so it's second nature when your energy drops.
Another great practice to help you pull yourself out of the lower emotions is gratitude. Being grateful for anything and everything when you are feeling god helps you to recognize the good stuff with more ease when you are struggling in the lower emotions.
The goal really isnt to work your way up to enlightenment and stay there. The goal is balance. Finding flow, feeling joy, feeling peace, but also knowing when its appropriate to feel and express fear, anger, grief etc. The balance that you seek allows you to dip into the higher and lower emotions with ease without getting stuck at either end of the spectrum.
With this balancing process it's going to come with good and bad things. You will be required to feel your emotions. And if they have been trapped in your body for a long time, being suppressed for a multitude of reasons. Allow the feelings to be felt and you will be shocked at the relief you will feel.
Overall this has been what I have been working on for the last month and while I still have a long way to go to maintaining balance in my emotional body, just the few weeks worth of work that ive been able to do has made a huge difference in my life. I hope this helps you find some peace in your life.