Howdy everyone, I hope your August is treating you well so far!
So far, this Leo season feels incredible. Cancer season was so heavy, assessing direction, moving through the emotional body, and remembering that we are everything and nothing. Leo season feels like a party. Like the sun is out and we are here just to sit on a rock and be hot and smoke weed and try out that thing we have always been too scared to do.
August 1st marks the three year anniversary of being a legit business owner. Three years ago I decided I didn't want to work a 9-5 anymore and took the leap. It's been a wild three years. One filled with ups and downs, highs and lows and everything in between.
I'm so thankful for everyone who has stuck around to support this little business through the last three years. I am thrilled with where we are now, and excited to continue to expand from offering not only jewelry, but drawings, prints and soon, ceramics.
Owning a business is hard. And it's something that really does reflect the relationship you have with yourself. I have worked really hard over the last three years to change my mindset around wealth and prosperity. It's hard to make money when you feel like you don't deserve to. Working on confidence and challenging the perpetual scarcity mindset that was programmed into me via my family and society.
At the beginning of 2021 I wanted to go from surviving to thriving. I thought it would look like getting more sales and having more money, but it's pretty incredible how when you ask the universe for something, it provides in a way you never thought possible. I was forced to face how survival was an integral tool for surviving my upbringing.
I was raised in an alcoholic/narcissistic household so there was lots of walking on egg shells, not knowing when the hammer was going to drop and praying it didnt drop on you. I have had to look at how these fight, flight, freeze, and fawn fear responses were used to survive my childhood, and how they have continued into adulthood. What was useful for survival in childhood, were unnecessary in the real world, but my brain and body weren't on the same page.
I had to face my relationship with work too. I was definitely a proud overworking capitalist this time last year. Hustling and grinding and not caring that my body couldn't keep up because there were things to sell and money to make. I realize that this too is a trauma response, a way for my mind to stay busy and hide from what needed to be looked at.
So in April of 2021 I started to really assess what thriving could look like beyond my fantasies and start integrating that into my real life. The first thing to go was my workaholism. I went through a period of time where I couldn't be bothered. I didn't care that I wasn't making a ton of money, i had no creative energy or drive to work on anything. I had to learn how to allow my body to stop and just be. To start accessing my feminine energy and flow. to break away from the striving, competitive, achieving mindset of the masculine world we live in.
I am still actively learning how to get my body out of survival mode. So far its looked a lot like making exercise and meditation in some way a daily ritual. Cutting out caffeine, learning how to play, and be comfortable with it. Using self soothing techniques that involve the senses. Drinking lots of tea, and taking rhodiola every day.
So far I feel better. I feel like I can actually spend more time in my body rather than disassociate constantly, which i still do, but far less often. It is only the begging however, and forming these new self care habits is really hard, especially when I am so used to betraying my needs for the sake of survival mode.
It's been a long road, but one that I would walk again any day if I had to. The last three years feel like a lifetime and three seconds at the same time. So many great things have happened and so many amazing lessons have been learned.
I am so grateful for this experience, and for all of the people I have met along the way. I wouldn't be able to do any of this without y'all and I am so thankful for everyone who has stuck around through all of the ups and downs and weird things i've tried out along the way. Heres to three years and to many many more!